Will The Impaler

So I had my public speaking persuasive presentation today, and in all honesty, I believe that I skewered more people than Vlad the Impaler at a dinner party. There was this shockwave of stunned silence when I finished, followed by rousing applause. I think I shook them to the very cores of their beings. Perhaps I'm just being arrogant, though.

UPDATE!
I got my public speaking presentation grades back, and I ended up getting a 90%. It was originally a 95%, but I got docked five points for it being shorter than it should have been. Oh well. He really liked my delivery and my content, as well as the argument, so I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do.

OH SHIT! HE'S BACK!

Yes, that's right. The bane of my existence. Tall, Dark, and Hackneyed has returned to campus. Also known as "That Guy," "Obnoxious Freak," "The Witless Wonder," and other sundry derogatory terms. This is the guy who thought that Moby Dick was a book of the Bible, and tried to spend three hours convincing me of this inanity. This is the guy who will stand in a doorway for upwards of three hours reading the dictionary aloud. This is the guy that does not know the meaning of "Get the fuck out of my room, ass-hole!" You think I'm joking, but it's true. He will literally stand there and say, "You said fuck! Ha ha ha ha!" It started today as I was sitting eating lunch. I happened to glance out the window, and suddenly, there he was walking down the sidewalk. Goddamnit. Oh well, I thought, he may only be going somewhere else. Maybe he won't come into the cafeteria. Then, I notice him walking into the cafeteria. Bloody Hell! I hate being wrong. At that point, I immediately beat a hastey expletive-filled retreat, as well as warned Peter and the guys from the Nerdery of his approaching presence. I am now holed up in my room with the only known anti-TD&H device known to man: William Shatner's Transformed Man on endless loop. Should he invade my lair, I can hit him full-force with Shatner's abominable renditions of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds or Mr. Tambourine Man. Yes, this is cruel, but in such situations, cruelty is required. Let's face it, the guy is a total wanker lacking a few critical slices of grey matter (namely, a functioning brain). In short, the spawn of Satan.