Last night, I saw a film that perfectly embodied, in my mind, many of the attitudes that I hold in real life. It was a film entitled How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog. Basically, it follows the troubles of Peter McGowan, an L.A. playwright and novelist as he struggles to put together his first big hit in a long time. Among his difficulties are periodic insomnia ("It comes about four times a year, and lasts three months each time"), a stalker who happens to be his doppelganger, a neighbor with a young daughter who adopts Peter and his wife as her babysitters, and of course the titular obnoxious late night barking dog. I saw many of my own attitudes reflected in Peter's caustic musings on life in general, and dogs in specific. The best exchange comes when he is being interviewed by a snotty morning-show personality. ("Your new novel is entitled "How To Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?" Could you tell us what it's about?" "Basically it's a practical guide to suburban terrorism." "But what if somebody actually takes the advice in your book, and uses it to...you know...kill their neighbor's dog?" "Well...I mean really...What are you gonna' do?") As I say, this film was great fun for me, a lifelong hater of all things canine and barking. Kenneth Brannaugh turns in a clever performance as Peter, so it gets my approval. For what it's worth. Check it out.

What else is happening, you ask? Nothing. I'm bloody sick, and it pisses the hell out of me. So, that's that.

Ah yes, the 4th of July. A day to celebrate our country's liberation from mild (but sudden) taxation to pay for a war on our behalf. And what, pray tell is the best manner of such a celebration of liberation from British food? To quote the great David Letterman: "More 'splosions!!!" That's right, over two-hundred years ago, our forefathers (and foremothers, for that matter) waged war on an evil force that sought to make us a part of (Gasp!) ENGLAND!!!! That's right, if it weren't for these patriots and their heroic deeds of valor, we would now have a fine grasp of British humor, a wonderful sense of responsibility to the international community, cool accents, incredible European intellect, and wonderful manners to top it all off. Yes, these horrifically UN-AMERICAN things would have been foisted upon us if it weren't for great men like George Washington, with his brilliantly stupid use of the tactic known as "RUN AWAY!!!!"; or people like Benjamin Franklin, who soon learned the follies of flying kites out-of-doors in inclement weather with metal bits on the string. Yes, this tradition of great stupid Americans lives on to this very day, in the lives of people like George W. Bush, who's stubborn belief that democracy is where larger, more powerful countries can simply replace legitimately elected leaders with people that are more "acceptable" has guided our great nation to this very day; or people like Dick Cheney, who has consistently stood from atop the moral high-ground, and looked away from the big oil companies (with whom he often did business) who were cheating on their accounting; or members of the U.S. Supreme Court, who were livid over the banning of the execution of mentally retarded people (after all, if you can't execute them, what can you do?). And so, it is in this vein that our great nation shall stumble along into the future, where it will die a miserable death, all the while thinking that it still has hope for tomorrow.

Author's note: the preceding was simply an accurate assessment of the state of our "great" nation. Don't take it personally. The author wishes to make known that he suffers from an acute case of American Self-Loathing, which, ironically enough was intensified by the events of September 11.

Well, I am feeling better this morning. My voice is gradually coming back to me, and I hope to have it back by tonight. This evening, I am going to have dinner with my surrogate grandparents. That should be really cool, as I can't cook worth a damn, and I'm kinda' getting sick of pizza. Real home cooking will be a welcome change of pace.

Other news: Well, I have come up with a great idea for a webcomic that combines two of the coolest things out there: vampires and samurai. I call this concept "Blood Without Honor." Basically, it's about this powerful 16th-century samurai who encounters a vampire after a massive defeat. Unable to bear the shame of defeat, he is on the verge of commiting seppuku when the vampire talks him out of it and turns him into a vampire. However, the shame is still with the samurai as he returns to his castle, where he is presumed dead. His attendants and retainers are all shocked by his return, and even more so by his drained appearence and his bloodshot eyes. Gradually his household is transformed into undead minions, as he is forced to seek blood, but is not strong enough yet to do anything except sneak around the castle and take victims one by one, a method without honor (hence, the title). The stirrings of the undead in his province attract the attention of the Jesuit order. Given the Catholic Church's longstanding hatred of the undead, they begin assembling a band of vampire-hunters to rid Japan of the demonic scourge. Chosen to lead this band is a ronin who served the now-vampire lord before his supposed death. This is something I have just been playing around with in my head for the past month or so. I just need someone with m4d l337 4r7 sk!llz, as mine are of Dom-calibur (see Megatokyo's infamous "Shirt-Guy Dom's Abstract Art Days" and you will know what I mean by that. You can only do so much with stick-figures.). Keep in mind that I want to keep it stylish and sharp, rather than silly, as it could easily devolve into that. Well, tell me what you think.

So here I sit, sipping from a hot mug of Yogi Kombucha Green tea, preparing to rant and rave whine and bitch and moan about my soar throat and my non-existant voice. It sucks. I think it has to do with 1.5 weeks of yelling at little kids for approximately eight hours a day. Yuch. And then I go back tomorrow morning and do it again. The only good thing is that tomorrow is effectively Friday for me. Yeah, yeah. I know, "Tomorrow's Wednesday, Dufus," you all are saying. The fact of the matter is that I am quite well aware of that. However, the little hellspawns get Thursday and Friday off, on account of Independence Day. These means: FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!!! Seriously, five o'clock tomorrow evening cannot roll around soon enough. I am going to chill out with my friends, and just kinda' relax. I want to be able to utter that immortal cry made popular by MXPX: "Responsibility: What's that?!" I want to shout it out at the top of my lungs as I irresponsibly take intravenous drugs and have unprotected sex with multiple women. Just kidding about the drugs and women.

Perhaps all will be well in the morning. I hope my voice will come back. I fucking hate just rasping through the day. It sucks worse than a cheap whore. Especially when you have to deal with other people. Remarkably, I have so far been able to keep a zen-like calm about me, but with my health all screwy, that is rapidly dissolving. Perhaps a good night's sleep will help me out.

Music: It's that time of year again: Summer. Time to buy loads of music and CD's and such. Here are a few of my recommendations:

The Red Elvises: Picture a mixture of Russian folk music, surf punk, rock-a-billy, and, well, Elvis, and you would see the Red Elvises. I like to call their style "Communist Roc" (get it? Communist BLOC, Communist ROC?). All of this adds up to create an immensely enjoyable sound that is easily distinguished from most of the other stuff out there. Another thing I really like about them is their bizarre sense of humor. Such lines as "I got a girlfriend Marylou./She is a folk singer./I gave her a ring./She gave me the finger" just make my day. It's so true.

Blind Guardian: It is virtually impossible to overstate my admiration of these guys. At first glance, they appear to be little more than some German heavy-metal band. However, after a closer look, they are revealed to be a talented band who writes about, not girls and sex, but fantasy literature from the world over. One of their greatest classics is a concept album entitled "Nightfall in Middle-Earth." It is basically a heavy metal rock opera of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion, which is the mythology behind the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Other topics that they have written songs about include the Trojan War (in the epic 15-minute "And Then There Was Silence"), Arthurian legend (in the songs "Past and Future Secret" and "Mordred's Song."), and the Dragonlance books. Very cool, indeed.

The Blue Man Group: You may know them from the old Pentium commercials that Intel used to run. These guys do really cool performances, and their music features some pretty cool beats and such. It's basically techno, and it's a lot of fun. Plus, you gotta' love a bunch of guys who run around in all-blue attire.

The Grateful Dead: Yeah, I know these guys are old, but sometimes you just can't get much better when you just want to mellow out for a bit and relax. When I'm all burnt out, I like to crank up such songs as "Truckin,'" or "Touch of Grey," or one of my personal faves, "Friend of the Devil." Give it a shot. These guys are quite talented, and, in my opinion at least, you don't have to be a total stoner to like them.

And that brings to close another day in the life of me, the MOST POWERFUL DARK LORD TO EVER WALK THE EARTH!!!!!!!

Last night, I saw a cool film. It's called Dark City. I highly recommend it if you are into noir-ish style films. It is quite stylish. The plot revolves around a man named John Murdoch, who wakes up in a hotel bathtub with no memory of the rest of his life. He soon finds that he is wanted for murder, something he can't even remember. It is soon revealed that he is all a part of an experiment created by reality-warping aliens known only as the Strangers. Very cool. I was reminded quite a bit of The Matrix, and I think that The Matrix borrows heavily from many of the concepts put forward in Dark City. Again, I highly recommend it. One warning, though: Don't watch this film if you are in a tired state and you have a hard time following things, as the film can mess with your very perceptions of reality. That's what makes it so cool.

Other news: Well, I'm feeling a wee bit under the weather. It kinda' sucks that way. I haven't had a whole lot of time for the whole Dark Lord business lately, what with my job and all. It's rather frustrating. By the way, if anybody reads this, don't be a dope. Vote Will for Pope. I aim to become the first protestant Pope. First act of office: take away the whole vow of celibacy for priests. As Pope, I should be getting a little bit of nookie, after all. Perhaps as Pope, my delusions of grandeur will be fully realized.

Music: Has anyone ever heard the song "Blue" by Eiffel 65? I know, it's an obnoxious song, but there is one property about it that has captured my attention: It's like a musical rorschak test. Listen to the chorus, and try to decipher what they are saying, and what you think you hear tells you something about your psyche. For instance, I always hear "I believe I'm a God." I guess that hints at my rather megalomaniacal tendencies. Other people have heard "I believe I won't die." That indicates they are still drunk on the immortality of youth. Try it out. It's rather entertaining.

Speaking of rorschaks, wouldn't it be weird if you were to take such a test and tell the doctor that all you see is a blotch of ink. What would he say? Well, I had best get off to work. Oh, and to all those Catholics out there, could you get a priest to perform an exorcism on some of these kids? They need one. Perhaps all childcare facilities should employ full-time exorcists. No more revolving heads and projectile vomiting, demon scum!!!!

Disclaimer: note that just about all of the above statements were completely facetious and are in no way representative of my actual views or beliefs. Except for the part about Dark City. It really is a cool movie. And the whole Eiffel 65 thing. That works, too.

Howdy folks. I am back from a long day of work at a YMCA daycamp. Those of you who know me already know of my long-held belief that all children are demons until the age of 17, although some never get over it. However, having started my second week there, I am now convinced that if the children are demons, it is because they are the spawns of demons. Seriously, I spend more time per day in the general vicinity of some of these kids than their own parents, and much of that time is spent sleeping. I am in effect their parent, minus the bonus of sex, and believe me, it would take a bloody lot of sex to spawn that many demons. Damn, it sucks. Okay, on to bigger and better things.

Last night was pretty damn cool. I spent the evening with Blake and Megan, two of my good friends from high school. For those of you who don't know, I went to potsmoker's high school (minus the pot). As I was hanging out with them, I realized how much we had changed, particularly Blake and myself. Funny how when you go off to college, you come back to find everybody expecting the same old you, yet you have changed a lot more than they realize. Blake attends St. John's College in Annapolis, while I attend Whitworth College in Spokane. Damn it, I am getting deep again. I hate it when that happens.

In other news, I read a cool book called Taiko by Eiji Yoshikawa. It's quite interesting. It's about this peasant who works his way up from sandal-bearer to supreme dictator of Japan. I would recommend it. Yoshikawa is the same guy who wrote Musashi. So, yeah, check it out. Well, that about does it.

Hey, Welcome to my Website. It's not much yet, but it will do. I have to go now. Work is calling. I'll probably post again later today. Catch you around folks. Sorry if this is boring you.