Don't Fuck With Wilford Brimley!
After yesterday's disturbingly introspective post, I shall now return to a more traditional format. Yesterday, in a fit of nostalgia, I decided to call Ethan, seeing as how I will be on the west side of the state later this week. For the uninitiated, Ethan is probably my longest-standing friendship, and one of the best guys I know. At any rate, he was out when I called, so I ended up talking to his dad Jean, who also happens to be quite the cool guy. Jean, a Whitworth alum, was somehow surprised that I had a somewhat morbid sense of humor, seeing as I went to Whitworth and all. It seems that about a month ago, he was on campus and had run-ins with students of the excessively-happy-don't-tell-me-about-unpleasant-things/apathetically-conservative variety. Those of you who know me know that while I do not have any real personal issues with those of the conservative persuasion, I am anything but in my personal politics. The point being, Whitworth has much more going on outside the mainstream than it is often given credit for. So let's make those dead-baby jokes, laugh at the folly of mortals, and jest about Nazis. I'm thinking the time has come for the Hessler chair to become a public position. Consider this a call to arms! Philosophers, screw the religion/theology department! Say horrible things in Core! Make the English profs cringe! Make the Art department feel inferior! Demoralize the Comm majors! Make a freshman cry! Disrupt Hosanna! Raise a little Hell, here, people! My alma mater is in danger of becoming boring, people! Do something about it!
2 Comments:
Will, I just had to laugh! I mean seriously, what did you think chair holders were supposed to do? Just make Keith roll his eyes? You can't offend Keith... well I suppose you could but it would be drastic and probably contain ad hominems as well as sodomizing Nazis while screaming Thomas Aquinas' name (I will get to examples later). My point being, I didn't wear a shirt with "yer mom was here" that had an arrow pointing down to my nether regions to make friends! (Said shirt has since been burned and I have repented of that particular transgression). So I guess my WWJD/Klondike Bar shirt counts. I made so many freshman cry and cringe I'd be rich if each of them gave me $.50. People have transfered to the school (which will remain nameless) where my brother goes. They immediately turn the other direction if they see him (thinking its me) and when engaged in conversation they mention that I am the biggest jerk they know. Thats committment! And why? Because I'm not a bootlicking nice guy! I'm not mean to people per se... ok well, just leave that blank.
I exhort you, potential chair holders, in the same vein as Will. Raise some hell! Don't be disrespectful or mean spirited. Just strive to use Nazis and dead babies in every sentance or illustration. Here's a few examples: "Man that class sucked! It was like getting kicked in the nuts by a Nazi while watching him shovel dead bodies of the elderly onto a hay truck." Or: "This theory reminds me of putting my genitalia in a fish tank full of tiny pirannahs." Or, and finally: "If a dead baby falls over in the forest and nobody is there, does it make a noise?"
You get my point
Oh, and let's not forget, make Hitler jokes in German classes. My point was basically, let's forget about shame and decency and just go for it.
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