Weirdness incarnate
Today, I am in need of some personal item that describes me. This is rather difficult because I don't have many items that are, well, personal. I mean, I have stuff that looks cool, and that sort of thing, but it doesn't necessarily describe me or my background. I suppose this is because I am not an overly sentimental person. I don't just save stuff as a reminder. I have no photographs of people or places of importance, and no things that I attach emotional significance to. Perhaps this is why my life is generally pretty cold in manner. At any rate, I am still trying to figure out what to do about it. I think the thing is that, though I am generally pretty friendly and the like, I am also pretty private about my emotions, thoughts, and ideas. I don't like the idea of other people knowing too much about me, so I put up a smoke-screen of weirdness to hide the even weirder parts of who I am. I keep my emotions and thoughts shielded from public view, and sometimes it makes me hard to approach. Last night, I realized part of the problem was that I shut out my closest friends from what was troubling me. I have trouble trusting people with my innermost being, and this forms a barrier to deep and meaningful relationships. I am always afraid of having these emotions exploited or mocked, but the fact of the matter is that my friends don't deserve my mistrust. I owe them the trust to share what I am feeling, but it is so bloody scary. Wow. That was depressing. But strangely alleviated.